Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The problem with relationships.

“Could it be that we are so busy working to co-opt the other into the service of our wants, needs, and feelings that we are too distracted to notice all the opportunities to love that every day gives us, and too busy making sure that we are loved to do anything about these opportunities even if we noticed them? Why does this happen? It happens because we have replaced love of God and rest in his care with love of self and the anxiety of “neediness.”…Enough of pointing the finger. Enough of listening to your inner lawyer defend your cause. Enough of carrying around a record of the other person’s wrongs. Enough of judging, criticizing, and blaming. Enough of holding the other to a higher standard than the one you hold for yourself. Enough of complaining, arguing, withdrawing, and manipulating. Enough of the self-righteous standoff that never leads to change. Enough of hurt and acrimony. Enough of painting yourself as the victim and the other person as the criminal. Enough of demanding and entitlement. Enough of threats and guilt. Enough of telling others how good you are and how thankful they should be to live with a person like you. Enough of angry, self-righteous silence. Enough of hyper-vigilantly watching others to see if they are delivering. Enough of riding the roller coaster of their ups and downs. Enough of looking to others to be your personal messiah, satisfying the longings of your heart. Enough. It is time to quit pointing the finger and start confessing your deep and pervasive weakness. Change in your ministry relationships begins with confessing your need.”—Paul Tripp

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