Monday, February 16, 2009


I hope that this isn't about me. I plead that this worthless attempt to be a light isn't about me, that it isn't about my own glory, that it isn't about my ability to convince anyone of the gospel. I beg the Lord that I am not confused about that because I think it will be absolutely deadly to my ministry and my soul. And so I'm praying, and I'm asking you to pray, and I'm asking you to keep me accountable to prayer.

natalie. I praise the Lord that he has changed this girls life. I know that my words were not convincing. I know that you are the only one that changes hearts. I beg that you would continue to open her eyes. Continue to pursue her and refine her. I pray that this little girl would fall on her knees before the throne of grace. I pray that the curtain being torn would be the greatest news of her life. I am so blessed to be apart of the gospel changing people. Getting to watch death to life.

evan. Lord I beg that you would remove the veil. I beg that you would open her eyes. I pray that the truth that she knows, the gospel she understands, the blood that was shed for her would penetrate her. I pray that it
would be more than doctrine. I pray that you would open her eyes to the glory of your grace. That she would know how much she needs to be saved from her sin and would realize that this grace is for her. The cross is for you evan. This forgiveness, it's for you. This is the only place there is life, the only place there is comfort and freedom, and it is for you.

sarah. Lord I pray that the seed that has been planted would grow. I pray for healthy soil. I pray that she is being fed. Lord I beg that this seed would not be parched, choked out, or eaten up. I pray that I could encourage and teach her but that she would be seeking to learn truth from other places also. I pray that you would use the wounds in her past to lead her to a cross that is full of grace. A cross that bids us to come and die. A cross that offers freedom and complete love.

katie. I pray that she would find herself in need of a savior. I pray she would feel overwhelmed by the weight of living in a broken world. I pray that being a good person would no longer be sufficient. I pray that her heart would be softened to the gospel. That she would realize her need. I pray for boldness in the way I love, live, and speak truth to her. I pray her eyes would be opened.

bethany. May she understand the gospel. May she know that it is the only place there is life. I pray that Philippians three would dig deeply into her heart. I pray she would come to see that nothing is worth comparing to knowing Christ and being found in him. I pray that you would continue to refine her and work out her salvation through fear and trembling. I pray that the gospel that grabbed a hold of her heart would continue to change her.

alice. I beg that she would know her need for a savior. I plead that she would know you. Lord this is not me. If anyone has taught me that I am not capable to change hearts, it is this girl. I beg that she could know you deeply. I pray that you would use her for your glory. I plead that she would get to be apart of this. I ask that you would show me what my role looks like in this and that you would continue to remind me that this is your work that I simply get to be apart of.

ali. Lord I trust you. I trust what you are doing in her heart. I trust that you are working out her salvation and I pray for her salvation. I pray that you would continue to refine her. Tear down walls that she has built. I pray that the true gospel would be made known to her. I pray she could see the glory of the cross. I pray she would know it is for her. I pray it would steal the depths of her soul.

amy. Father, please. This is your work. I pray her heart would be softened. I pray that she would come to the foot of the cross. Lord I pray for my time with her, that I could love and encourage, that truth would be spoken. I pray she would know that the gospel is for her. It doesn't matter where she has been. The gospel is for her.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

remind me again.

freedom from sin. of which i am promised i will be, and am being, delivered.
freedom from this heavy yolk. that i no longer have to bear the weight. the weight of being broken in a broken world.
freedom from these binding chains. of the things i have done. the things i can't seem to get away from. the things i hate, but still do.
freedom from worthless sacrifices. the curtain is torn.
freedom from my past that haunts me.
freedom from expectations. the future i built in my mind. my skewed idea of perfection.
freedom from my wicked heart and my sinful lusts.
freedom from being loved, known, and comforted by people.
freedom from my fleshly desires. from myself.
freedom to walk in grace and not works.
freedom to be completely known...and still deeply loved and pursued. still a soul you wish to restore.
freedom to count it all as loss. count it all as loss compared to knowing Christ and being found in him.
freedom to worship you.
freedom to know you and be satisfied in you.

Monday, February 9, 2009


Godliness doesn't accidentally happen.
It never accidentally happens.
No one wakes up on Tuesday, godly.
“I press on. I strive. I toil.”

[the line between all that we want to be and all that we hate is thinner and smaller, and closer than any one ever wants to talk about.]


I am caught up in reality. Jesus is good. He is the only place there is life and he is good. Life has beat the crap out of me and his redemption is so sweet. This life is tainted, soaked with sin, covered with the taste of our own passions. This place, it smells like lust and adultery, can you smell it? The sound of bleating sacrifices and none are saved. The feeling, the pain, of knees hitting the ground before golden calves, golden cars, golden earnings, wives, husbands, friends, success, mirrors. This world is hard. Jesus is good. May I praise his glorious grace. I am caught up in reality. The reality that this world is fallen and wicked but that I no longer belong to this world, its lustful cravings or sinful desires, I am washed by the blood of Christ into his grace.

Friday, February 6, 2009

photograph malife.

these are my favorite days...

riding our bikes on back roads in the middle of no where.
wishing we had a bike pump, carving our names into tree trunks, throwing corn, and collecting leaves.

summer campaigners,
fairfield swings,
and new friends.

getting lost,
getting stuck,
and wishing i had a tow strap...
"the game"

summer swinging
and camp otterbein creeking.

this is what happens when you play the game for too long. you find creepy-awesome places to settle down and raise a family.

peed at the top of this.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

til kingdom come.

Excerpts from Jonathan Edwards Resolutions:

"Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God. "

"Resolved, never to say anything at all against anybody, but when it is perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution."

Christ i want to know you. i pray that my frustrations would stir a healthy fear within me. i pray i would be spurred on to change in myself what i hate about the world. i pray my relationship with you would be authentic, that it would be real, that i wouldn't be giving you lip service. i want to know you. i want to be found in you. i pray that you would show me what it means to count it all as loss. i pray you would give me a patient heart that is constantly at the throne of grace.