Tuesday, June 17, 2008

rejoice in this divine romance.

for the past week i have been running.
last tuesday was one of those days where i just felt gross. i hadn't worked out in a while and my body was beginning to feel lethargic. so i ran. i ran to gooddale park and stopped. i was winded and worn out, but the park was beautiful and i layed on a bench for thirty minutes just looking into the sky.
i have tried to commit myself to running for years. i usually get about three days in and then i remember how much i hate running. how my body aches and my throat burns and the only thing i like about running is being done with running. but by sunday this week i was craving it. i have been running to sermons and thinking about the lord. i run through the nearly abandoned streets of victorian village, where the roads sit quietly and there aren't other runners to decide my pace. i just run. occasionally i get to wave to couples sitting on their porch or a cat crossing the sidewalk will change my pace. but for the most part, i just run.
my roommates are weirded out. honestly, honestly, it's just good time with the lord. i don't really care about being in shape. (i mean i do to an extent, because i'm a girl.) but for the most part it is just beautiful time. and because i am not focused on how much i run or how fast, but rather focused on the lord, i am able to run like i have never ran.
the point of all of this is that i could tell you about tonight...
today i didn't really feel like running but as the evening approached i put on my shoes and headed out. i wasn't even to king ave and i could feel that today was going to be different. my body felt great. i made my way well past my regular path and down into the city. i was breathing fine and actually enjoying myself. running back to campus, through the allies, i watched the sun set over houses. purple and pink clouds caught my vision as i moved out from under branches of tall trees. i made it back to my house but wasn't tired so i continued to run. looping around dorms and zigzagging down streets, i couldn't seem to tire myself out. i started thinking about how this running thing is very much like my relationship with the lord. i have to make the decision to spend time with him everyday. i have to do it even when i don't feel like it. some days are hard and everything in my body says who cares, why are you doing this? and some days are beautiful. i am refreshed as i am reminded of the gospel. i am comfortable in his gospel. the gospel that was set forth for me. my gospel. and i am easily pushing forward in his glory.
today. my run. was like that. i feel like i could have ran forever and the only reason i stopped was because i was bored. because i wanted to come inside and read. after 5 miles of running--letting the roads take me where ever they wished, listening to beau hughs talk about remembering the gospel--i switched my ipod to true love. making a final lap around my block i sprinted up death alley from market place to my house. "when blood and water hit the ground, walls we couldn't move came crashing down." that's the gospel. the gospel that saves me.
i forced myself to stop in front of my house and my body felt a rush that was unknown to me until tonight. as i layed on the hood of my car listening to phil praise the lord for how beautiful he is, i was satisfied. in that moment. i was satisfied.

Monday, June 16, 2008

for thought.

“How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose!... You drove them from me, you who are the true, the sovereign joy. You drove them from me and took their place, you who are sweeter than all pleasures, though not to flesh and blood; you outshine all light, yet are hidden deeper than any of the secrets in our heart; You who surpass all honor, though not in the eyes of men who see all honor in themselves....O Lord, my God, my light my wealth, my Salvation...you who are sweeter than all pleasures.”--Augustine“O to behold the glory of Christ...Herein would I live; herein would I die; herein would I dwell in my thoughts and affections...until all things below become unto me a dead and deformed thing, no way suitable for affectionate embraces.” John Owen

Friday, June 13, 2008

the flood of 08

[here's to me hoping that meaghan will see that i have returned to the blogspot world and she will soon come back as well.]

today the rain fell. i was at starbucks with katie. visiting meaghan on one of her long exhausting shifts, and i could smell the rain. one of those days when you could feel it in the air long before it begins. i told meaghan i would pick her up from work, out of fear that she would get off and it would be pouring.
as i was sitting on my couch, after i had returned her safely to the ark, the rains came. it fell lightly at first. then a multitude of small clear drops formed a transparent blanket of rain, layering down on the streets. thunder cracked around the house that we had made our home for the past year and lightning flashed daringly.
angela and i slowly lost attention in the tv and stood on the porch. it was the sound of white sheets of rain hitting rushing water. the streets had become waterways. as cans and trash floated down the allies they tempted us. come and play. and visions of canoes and mighty sailing adventures filled my mind. i stood under the safety of our porch for about ten minutes before i caved. i seriously questioned my decision to run out into the wild mess that hunter ave had become. mostly because i knew i was wearing clean clothes. clean clothes is something i currently do not have.

as i made my way out into the street letting the rain fall hard against my face, instantly soaking everything i had on, i remembered how much i love the rain. i remembered days when i was young, probably 11 or 12, when i would run out into my driveway and lay down. letting the water cover and consume me. i remembered being at rockbridge my senior year of camp and it rained all week. the pressure was so strong at times that we showered outside. i remembered falling to my knees in the shower one day last spring, begging to be cleaned.

i remembered being at tar hollow last summer with kelly. when the rain fell so hard. like it did today. everything was canceled for the day because of the rain. and i remember dancing. dancing in the rain like i was free. i remember taking kellys hand and running to the dock. eventually sprinting. running until my legs gave out and i fell at the edge of the dock and let the rain cover me. letting it take me in and wash me. i remember praying that i would be free. i remember praying that this would somehow symbolize the blood the pours over me daily.
it was here that i found myself today. standing in the middle of hunter ave as lightning struck down trees, crushing cars on both 10th and 9th ave, and rain encircled me until it hurt. losing my flip flops constantly in the flooding streets and chased them down. laughing. and playing. because i am free. and as angela made her way into the down pour i smiled to myself. because i couldnt imagine a better place for me to be. there is no better place than in the hands of my god. soaked in his grace.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


summer is here.
sometimes the four months that gap the break between oval madness and ohio state football are unthinkable to me. it's probably because i don't work. i am blessed to have parents that support me and support my full time ministry, which is a beautiful thing because it means i'm always available. it means that when natalie hess turns to me on a wednesday afternoon and says, "i want to go to canada this summer." i can confidently say, "get a passport and i will take you." it means that i can take two weeks at the end of july and road trip with bethany hojna down to OBX to spend time with my crazy family. it means that when alessandra says, "i'm free on friday. what are you doing?" i can in a second say, "hanging out with you." it means that when meaghan has had a long day at work i can sit on the couch and watch karate kid with her. it means i have time to serve my house. i have time to drive to dayton and play with friends that i love.
but sometimes it means that i'm lonely. while everyone i know works an 8-5 i am waking up at noon only to eat ceral. (in our living room that never seems to let in the light of day.) this where satan attacks me a lot. these moments where i am by myself.
the other day i was talking to my friend and i believe the conversation went something like this...
"im so bored. what am i going to do with my summer?"
"you are going to learn so much about the lord. and i am going to try and learn a little bit too."

she is right.
how good is the lord that even when i doubt he still embraces me with his love. washes me with his grace. and lets me be apart of his work. summer days have been absolutely beautiful. the heat is good. the past two days i have had the pleasure of exploring victorian village. as i run through the neighborhood my eyes explore houses that tells stories. places i would want to live.
i pray that scripture would continue to breathe into my soul. i pray that i would be entirely dependent on prayer. i pray that i would believe that his promises are better than what i believe sin will provide me. i pray for a deep affection.
summer is here.