gloria

christmas eve and my heart is rebounding in triumphing love.
the lord has been teaching me a lot about love recently. [i feel like this is something i am always learning a lot about; basically because my view is so disorted to reflect the world.]
my eyes have been slowly peeled open to community. what it means to love in fellowship and enjoy people. what it means to dance with victory for my brothers wins and weep for his brokenness.
the lord is constantly challenging love for me. how can i find joy in denial of self? satisfaction?
i feel like very small child a lot. needy. selfish. prideful. "why aren't people serving me the way that i want and expect to be served? don't they understand the gospel?"

-->why don't i understand the gospel...

i am learning how to love people. i am learning how my god loves me and how deep forgiveness flows.
i am learning what it really means to be a friend. a best friend. a sister. a daughter. a leader. a housemate.
i am learning how the love of christ--the real, pure and beautiful love of christ--penetrates the soul. how the cross is powerful.
i am learning that i am weak. what i think i know i do not in fact understand. what i want to know i cannot grasp on my own.
i am learning that my relationship with the lord is so dependant on my obedience and passion for prayer. and as i pray my view of people changes. as i pray for my friends my heart breaks for them. the way i treat them and act around them changes.
i am learning that my attitude towards things and people is entirely dependant on my prayer life for them.

[encouraged.]

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. [galations 1:10]

merry christmas.