rockbridge.

i'm sitting in caribou and the wood paneling reminds me of rockbridge. i can almost smell the spring center. the thought of being there makes me short of breath. i know it's only october, but i'm excited to be at rockbridge in the spring. until then...

Jesus is God.

I want to know Christ. I don't want to be in a phase of restoration and discipline. I want to know him always. I no longer want to be able to justify periods of apathy or laziness. Jesus Christ's atoning blood spilled over the cross is my only way to the Father and I cannot be complacent in my pursuit of knowing him. I have been learning a lot recently about being in fellowship with God. Communion with the creator of everything. It's blowing my mind, but I know I want to be apart of it, I have to be apart of it. My soul is being required of me if I want to pursue this. All else has to be considered a loss for me to gain fellowship with Jesus like it was intended.
I have to study spanish, but I am going to vomit out random things that have been refining my soul recently before I start that...

"when we are disappointed in things it reveals that our hope was in them. And in those moments we have missed out on an opportunity to put our hope in God" --L.Lett

We aren't street-kids. I am a daughter of the most high, so I need to stop acting like I am a street-kid. Everything has been richly provided for me by my Father, so why do I think I'm a street-kid who has to run around and steel to fill my needs?

I have to be hoping fully in the living God and taking my satisfaction from him alone and until I can do this I can never really care for the souls of other people because I am constantly trying to fill my own needs with them. "The problem with idolatry is that it dishonors God and destroys the people we love"--Mark Driscoll

There is more...by God's grace I am being taught a lot of things and have been shown a lot of my sin. Jesus is God. I pray I would live like I believe that.

senior year

my senior year has begun.
i am laying on the floor of my third floor room. only two of my roommates are home and the house feels still. it's 2:30 and i keep telling myself i need to get to sleep, i have things to do tomorrow, homework to finish, people to see. but it's a friday, a friday night of my senior year of college, and i don't need to sleep. i could lay on my floor all night if i wanted. if i was so inclined, i could sleep right here, in the middle of my carpet.
i am tempted to fill this post with my recollections of how it used to be and my anticipations for the future. i could tell you how i can hardly breathe when i think about how fast it is all moving, not college, but my life, sanctification, ministry. i could tell you how scared i am for things to change and how i cannot imagine myself in the next stage of my life. i could even spend my time unpacking how incredible the Lord's restoration has been in me over the past three years, but i wont.

time is moving fast and that's okay. i pray that i know you God, otherwise it's a waste.