broke

for the sake of the world, I thank the Lord, that the truth's not contingent on me.

i want Christ. i can't seem to get this right. i praise you God that it has been paid for, that the battle has been won. i want to know you, but i do the things i do not want to do. my heart hurts. hurts like a whore chasing after her lovers. i can feel gomers pain, as she runs to the things she thought were bringing her love, joy, and comfort, and suddenly she can't reach them. they don't want her anymore.
i desire to be obsessed with the cross but i am failed by my weaknesses. thank you that this faith is not contingent upon my ability. thank you that you are doing things in me that i don't understand.

"wealth and honor I disdain,

earthly comforts, Lord are vain;

these can never satisfy:

give me Christ, or else I die.

all unholy and unclean,

I am nothing but sin;

on thy mercy I rely;

give me Christ, or else I die."