goodbye november.

dear blogspot.
at request, i am here. it's a friday night, the night after thanksgiving, and i am in columbus. this thanksgiving is really weird for me, really weird in a painful way. I haven't spent a thanksgiving in columbus since i can remember. Every year me, my mom, stepdad, and sister all travel to delaware to visit my grandpa. this is usually my favorite holiday. my family comes together and piles into the small house on kensington lane. everyone stands around all day eating cheese and watching my mom cook in my grandmothers kitchen. this is the time that i get to see my cousins, my aunts, my uncles. i get to spend three nights staying up late with my mom and sister, eating cold turkey sandwiches watching rachel ray and law and order svu. last year was different, my grandpa was in the nursing home and we ate at my aunts. this year has completely confused me. i have spent the last three days sitting around my house feeling like it is winter break. christmas? easter? what holiday are we celebrating? my sister is home, which is comforting, i love her. i don't write this because i am sad, i inevitably am, but that is not why I'm writing. this isn't meant to make you feel bad. this is simply where i am. i am in my kitchen. stressed about exams, wishing i was somewhere I'm not with the lord, wanting so badly for time to slow down. i hate the feeling of loosing places you love. when somewhere you cherish no longer exists. a house, a room, a relationship. that is hard for me, really hard. i pray that i could keep my eyes focused on the lord. keep my eyes focused on the kingdom, knowing that my time here is short anyway. may i know you lord. may i fear you. may i seek you. may i be satisfied there.